INFLATING IT

Even before Cyclone Yasi hit the coast of Far North Queensland, banana prices had been hiked up to $7.00 a kilo amongst large supermarket chains.

Call it a pre-emptive strike, call it savvy economics based on the predictions of the Bureau of Meteorology, call it really bloody unsubtle, call it daylight robbery. It is what it is. And whether you like it or not, demand and supply is king.

Supermarkets have no problem with passing the buck (or lack thereof) onto the consumer. And, as demonstrated with Cyclone Yasi – even weeks before the effects of natural disasters are felt, they are able to protect their bottom lines with premeditated price rises.

Naturally this caused outrage within the community. As consumers, we exercised the power of choice and boycotted the gargantuan culprits, turning in favour towards our small, local independent grocers, who actually have a conscience and do not have the lion’s share of consumers (and suppliers) wrapped around their little fingers – therefore being able to use, and subsequently abuse, their power.

It’s just way the cookie crumbles. Big companies pull the strings and call the shots. Smaller, independent operators resist shonky tactics, but eventually the simple rules of demand and supply do prevail – and what there is a shortage of rises in price.

And there’s much more where that came from too, what with more than 75% of Queensland having been declared a disaster zone over this most tempestuous summer. It’s the ‘fruit bowl’ of Australia, not to mention amongst the largest producers in the world of that integral ingredient known as ‘sugar’.

Well, it’s all very well that supermarkets can pass the sting onto you. There’s the smallest comfort in being able to put a reason to it (i.e. category 5 cyclone). It’s right there in your face though, and although annoying – at least you can rationalise it.

Unfortunately however, the same opportunity to directly pass on price increases to the consumer does not exist in every industry.

Supply shortages (the kind that make supermarkets hike their prices) affect the food industry on every level. This particularly applies to your local restaurants. Wholesale prices rise in a similar fashion to retail prices. The prices of essential and basic ingredients can, and do, escalate sharply – sometimes without warning. Natural disasters, shipping issues, CPI increments and various other things all add up to steep and painful increases.

Food costs rise sharply as a result, leaving narrower profit margins. What is the solution, you may ask? Hike up prices in a supermarket fashion? It’s not that simple …

People may grumble about paying more for bananas, but at the end of the day they buy them. But many of us take enormous offence at escalated menu prices. And for that matter, the same offence to that other cost-cutting restaurant solution – smaller portion sizes. Or in the same family – perhaps using frozen instead of fresh, substituting an inferior cut of meat …

So much offence is taken, that a refusal to dine in such a restaurant is not an infrequent occurrence.

But at the end of the day, a business operator who wishes to stay afloat amidst ever increasing prices, yet still retain their quality, integrity and reputation – has no choice except to do the same as everyone else. That is, pass the cost on to the customer.

Perhaps it’s because a restaurant is one step further away on the food chain, that prepared food on a plate is a world away from the banana trays at Coles, which is the reason that many do not see the connection. Or, that many folks have a natural suspicion of prices on menus, and their connection with the value they perceive is already dubious.

On the other hand, smart operators can do a lot to keep food costs down – keeping to seasonal ingredients, using every part of a cut of meat for example. But unfortunately there’s some cost escalations which just can’t be worn and have to be passed on in order to deliver the same quality and just to keep the doors open. Sadly, this means you will keep paying more in the supermarket and more in your favourite restaurant.

On the bright side, however … we restaurateurs don’t have enough time on our hands to scour the Bureau of Meteorology’s website and reprint our menus when we see a tropical low heading our way!

 

WHAT WE VALUE

One man’s trash is another’s treasure. Or something like that. We humans are a diverse bunch – the way we perceive the world us varies wildly. And not just between different socio-economic, cultural or geographic levels, but between people on the same street, who grew up in the same town, went to the same school and earn more or less the same salary.

We were all born with unique personalities. And we all grew up with different interests and talents. Some we came to early on, others we learnt much later. As adults, we know what we like and what we don’t like. After years of experimentation and the resulting mistakes (often) and triumphs (occasionally), we have hopefully created a life for ourselves surrounded by the things we like.

There’s the hobbies that we pursue actively in our leisure time, the careers we gravitate towards, the friends we hang out with. The only thing we can’t really choose is our family. But that’s another story …

What I’m getting at though (and I’ll cut the pre-amble now), is that what we hold dear and what we choose to surround ourselves with are the things (and people!) that we value.

This naturally extends right from our spiritual, social and emotional lives into our economic life – i.e. right to the hip pocket. It dictates what we choose to spend our hard earned cash on. It is the voice inside our heads telling us what we’ll splurge on, what we’ll save on, what is a total rip off …

And this is where I come back to the trash and treasure turn of phrase. Where you see value, I may not. But you and I may be different.

I’m going to head back into the restaurant world to cite an example here. Two people dine together; let’s call them Bob and Sam. Bob is very keen for Sam to try his new, favourite restaurant. Sam is keen and can’t wait to catch up. They sit down, look at the menus. Bob enthuses about his favourite dishes, “You’ve got to try the prawns here!” Sam thinks, “Gee … for that price they better be bloody amazing.” The food comes, and Bob loves his meal. Sam thinks the sauce was a bit spicy and the portion not big enough for the price … Sam feels like going for a burger, as he is still hungry, but his wallet is empty after the exorbitantly priced meal.

He is, shall we say, quite disgruntled. Bob, although sorry that his friend didn’t enjoy the restaurant, still really enjoyed his meal and felt that although it wasn’t cheap, compared to other restaurants – it was worth every cent. He thinks to himself, “Better just meet Sam down the pub next time.”

Bob obviously found value here, and Sam didn’t. It didn’t matter to Sam that the fish was fresh and local. Each meal was handcrafted and freshly prepared with skill and flair. The service in the restaurant was flawless and friendly, the beer was from an artisan boutique brewery, the wine a beautiful Coonawarra cabernet. It was still a rip-off, and frankly, he would have been far happier down the pub with a schooner of Extra Dry. Sam can’t believe Bob is happy to pay such a fortune for a meal, when there are $7 steaks down the road.

This is one example of how different two people can be. In a restaurant, it’s often a simple case of one person being interested in food and wine, and one not. You may not think $50 for a bottle of wine represents good value, but I may not think $500 for a golf club is worth it either.

If you like something, have prior knowledge on a subject, appreciate something, or it is your hobby or career, then you will understand it. You are in a position to be able to assess relative value, compare it to other items. You will know if it is hard to come by, a good brand, or a good year. You are equipped with a trained eye that can appreciate good workmanship – whether it’s hand stitching, leather trimming or a crispy skin on a fillet of ocean trout.

I’m not saying that you have to understand everything to enjoy it – sometimes the best things in life are the spontaneous events that we just fall into. But when it comes to opening our wallets, our minds are often only open in as far as the direct capacity that we have to directly perceive the value of what we are paying for.

We are all different. And that’s what makes it fun …

Sometimes in life, as we all know, the times we look forward to the most are the times that wind up being fraught with mishap and downright disappointment.

Now, not wanting to be too much of a cynic (although a healthy dose in moderation, of course, is somewhat necessary to manage expectations in this crazy world of ours) … but I do feel inclined to wax lyrical upon the holiday season – the pressure it places on everyone, the larger than usual margin for error that it brings is equally as relevant as the joy, the reunion and relaxation components.

Pick a family … indeed, almost any family. Throw several to numerous members of the said family, their offspring and other-halves into the mix. Douse in copious amounts of alcohol, sprinkle liberally with way too much food. Add generous splashes of fatigue, heat and humidity. Stir in past grudges, personality clashes and childhood phobias. Serve immediately with chilli on top …

What is this called? Ah yes, it’s the typical Australian summer holiday experience.

Don’t get me wrong, once again I need to stress that when it’s good, it’s really good! But when it’s bad … it’s not really fun, or relaxing, or entirely what it’s cut out to be.

The problem is pressure … residual pressure from the mad scramble to organise everything before Christmas, then pressure to organise visitors / and or holiday accommodation, pressure to navigate to unfamiliar destinations, pressure to make decisions about what to do, where to go …The list goes on. This is where ‘trying to relax’ becomes a full-time, stress-laden occupation.

And the summer ‘holiday’ dreamt about while juggling mundane tasks in the office, or navigating supermarket aisles on a dreary winter’s afternoon, becomes a reality not as sweet as previously thought.

There’s something to be said for those perfunctory daily routines of our ordinary lives. Although they most certainly lack excitement and possibility, there is sheer comfort to be found in the fact that most of the time not too much can go wrong. And because our expectations aren’t particularly high, we can allow ourselves to be content with small things – basic pleasures.

The problem with holidays is that we put all of our eggs in the one basket – we expect to cram huge amounts of enjoyment into a week or two. We expect everything to run smoothly, although we’re way out of our comfort zone and existing on a haphazard tightrope of differing expectations, rapidly constructed itineraries and clashing personalities. We’re at the mercy of roads or aeroplanes at a time when everyone else in the world seems to be too.

We’re relying on the assurances of someone we spoke to on the phone that our accommodation will be up to scratch. Our coastal paradise is reliant on the daily repetition of sunshine … what on earth will we do if it rains? We imagine that every meal will be delicious, every check-in seamless.

And yes, we know in our hearts that life’s just not like that. It’s not perfect. But a well-earned break after a busy year should be pleasurable, not painful.

I’m not advocating staying at home. No way. Some of the best memories come from those summer holidays … the most fun times, the most hilarious moments. And that’s what it comes down to and the only advice I have for dealing with this time of year … laugh!

Because, there’s more often than not, a funny side. All you have to do it find it …

 

WHEN YOU NEED A HOLIDAY AFTER YOUR HOLIDAY

Sometimes in life, as we all know, the times we look forward to the most are the times that wind up being fraught with mishap and downright disappointment.

Now, not wanting to be too much of a cynic (although a healthy dose in moderation, of course, is somewhat necessary to manage expectations in this crazy world of ours) … but I do feel inclined to wax lyrical upon the holiday season – the pressure it places on everyone, the larger than usual margin for error that it brings is equally as relevant as the joy, the reunion and relaxation components.

Pick a family … indeed, almost any family. Throw several to numerous members of the said family, their offspring and other-halves into the mix. Douse in copious amounts of alcohol, sprinkle liberally with way too much food. Add generous splashes of fatigue, heat and humidity. Stir in past grudges, personality clashes and childhood phobias. Serve immediately with chilli on top …

What is this called? Ah yes, it’s the typical Australian summer holiday experience.

Don’t get me wrong, once again I need to stress that when it’s good, it’s really good! But when it’s bad … it’s not really fun, or relaxing, or entirely what it’s cut out to be.

The problem is pressure … residual pressure from the mad scramble to organise everything before Christmas, then pressure to organise visitors / and or holiday accommodation, pressure to navigate to unfamiliar destinations, pressure to make decisions about what to do, where to go …The list goes on. This is where ‘trying to relax’ becomes a full-time, stress-laden occupation.

And the summer ‘holiday’ dreamt about while juggling mundane tasks in the office, or navigating supermarket aisles on a dreary winter’s afternoon, becomes a reality not as sweet as previously thought.

There’s something to be said for those perfunctory daily routines of our ordinary lives. Although they most certainly lack excitement and possibility, there is sheer comfort to be found in the fact that most of the time not too much can go wrong. And because our expectations aren’t particularly high, we can allow ourselves to be content with small things – basic pleasures.

The problem with holidays is that we put all of our eggs in the one basket – we expect to cram huge amounts of enjoyment into a week or two. We expect everything to run smoothly, although we’re way out of our comfort zone and existing on a haphazard tightrope of differing expectations, rapidly constructed itineraries and clashing personalities. We’re at the mercy of roads or aeroplanes at a time when everyone else in the world seems to be too.

We’re relying on the assurances of someone we spoke to on the phone that our accommodation will be up to scratch. Our coastal paradise is reliant on the daily repetition of sunshine … what on earth will we do if it rains? We imagine that every meal will be delicious, every check-in seamless.

And yes, we know in our hearts that life’s just not like that. It’s not perfect. But a well-earned break after a busy year should be pleasurable, not painful.

I’m not advocating staying at home. No way. Some of the best memories come from those summer holidays … the most fun times, the most hilarious moments. And that’s what it comes down to and the only advice I have for dealing with this time of year … laugh!

Because, there’s more often than not, a funny side. All you have to do it find it …

 

THE TERRIBLE TOURIST

You find them the world over … drawn to the busiest street, squares and monuments and surrounded by others of their kind. They’re snap-happy, swaddled in fleece and Gore-Tex and usually standing aimlessly in the middle of pedestrian thoroughfares. Ginormous maps protrude from their hands, bum-bags pad their midsections, guidebooks add bulk, and backpacks bring up the rear. Their eyes never focus at what lies in their path, but can be found darting towards the spires of distant churches, the elaborate window displays in shops adjacent, or just generally everywhere else apart from their immediate spatial vicinity.

They are immediately identifiable, their uniform is universal, their objective clear as day to everyone around them. And what would that be, you may ask? To tick off ‘must-sees’ in their guidebooks, to rather compulsively take copious amounts of photos of absolutely anything they come across … paper bag blowing in the breeze? – “Quick get a shot of that, love! Take a few in case it doesn’t come out.” Thank heavens for the digital camera – especially so for that handy ‘delete’ button.

Their true aim, however, is to arrive somewhere exotic or historic, stay there for a short amount of time, an hour or two, or perhaps a day or two, see those ‘must sees’. And most importantly, to be able to say –”I’VE BEEN THERE!”

Locals have a kind of love / hate thing going on with tourists. The bottom line is that they’re spectacularly good for the economy. In fact, so good that there are many global destinations in which tourism is by far the largest source of revenue. That’s not to say, however, that tourists are treated with anything like the reverence they deserve, for their life-preserving cash injections.

Indeed, quite the opposite is usually true. Travel to any major tourist destination, especially in Europe, and you will often encounter disinterested, jaded and half-hearted service. That’s if you are lucky. If you’re unlucky, you will get rudeness, unpleasantness, and even blatant dishonesty. Hence the old ‘tourist rip-off’ in the ‘tourist trap’.

And then there’s the food. If you’re in Europe, stay away from the joints close to the major attractions. Unless you have a penchant for badly prepared, carelessly served slop which most of the time, puts the culture it’s supposed to be representing to utter shame.

It’s extremely sad, actually. Why don’t the locals care?

I have a few theories … First, the more beautiful and popular a place, the worse the attitude of its inhabitants. For example, if you’ve got a stunning, untouched walled medieval city, then who needs any other charms? People will come to see it even if you’re a sour faced, money-grubbing so-and-so. Similar to the all brawn and no brains theory – if you look pretty, it doesn’t matter if there’s not much inside.

Second, locals get kind of tired of crowds of randoms gawking, and zoom-lensing – blocking up the middle of the footpath when they’re trying to go about their daily chores. They get tired of everyone assuming they speak English. And they mostly get tired of their hometown being hijacked by interlopers, day in and day out, all year around.

Even though they know that tourism is really great for the economy and such, it still is a pain having loads of clueless strangers who don’t speak their language or understand their culture in their space every day, when really – they’re just trying to go about their business. This is fair enough – but it calls for compromise.

A show of patience from locals towards visitors, as well as an awareness and respect from tourists for the fact that the place they are visiting is a functioning entity in which people try to go about their daily lives in peace, and that such a destination does not exist solely for the pleasure of those who visit it.

Sure, tourists in their most clichéd, overblown sense can be figures to poke fun at. But on the other hand, they’re just people trying to see the world. And let’s face it – it can be pretty tough negotiating a path through a place you’ve never been to before.

Booking flights and accommodation is a minefield in itself. Then there’s language barriers, map deciphering, exchange rates and jetlag. All that effort to get somewhere so warrants a bit of gawking and snap-happiness, don’t you think?

The full-time inhabitants of these incredible spots could really show a little more pride in their live-in postcard vistas. As I’ve always said, a little pizzazz in the service department goes a long way. Even a smile is a great start!

And to genuinely help someone out, to make their day better – well it just makes you feel better too, doesn’t it?

That is, of course, until you’re racing across the square to get to the bank before it closes and a Gore-Texed one apprehends you with, “Which way to the leaning tower?”

 

POLITICAL SOUP

What I mean is that the many weeks of campaigning and spectacular indecision to follow, coupled with the starring role in the proceedings of one of our very own; we at The Mullet had an extremely dismal few weeks of trading. It was ABC 24 and spag bol for our fair Hastings customer base, rather than a nice night out with friends and family.

That’s why this month’s column is called ‘political Soup’. Or should it be ‘political dis-pleasures’? Hmmmmm …

No, I am not bitching and moaning. Sometimes (albeit, quite rarely, in fact) these things just happen and the events following that day at the polls were captivating, to say the least. Emotions were stirred up in dramatic fashion, speculation was rife, alliances were formed, previous beliefs were discarded at the drop of a hat. Many an innocent acquaintance was suddenly discovered to be vehemently passionate towards a particular political persuasion. Or against …

Now I am not trying to make anyone lose their appetite, but although I’ve tried to stop myself, I am compelled to put in my 10 cents worth.

As a small business owner in a regional area, I do not have a natural inclination towards Labor’s industrial relations policy. I’ll be the first to admit that I gravitated towards the Coalition and their more sympathetic treatment of business operators. I have been on the frontline fighting the inception of Labor’s so-called ‘Modern Award’ and its blatant disregard of the hours and days of operation necessary to run a restaurant in a tourist, regional area, made fact by its desire to impose huge penalty rates for workers at these times – effectively crippling profit during key seasonal parts of a year.

This is one part of the picture, and a big one for me and my livelihood – the difference between profit and loss, between success of my business and its failure.

But during this whole prolonged election process, I started thinking about other parts of the picture … the inherent differences between Labor and the Coalition. What it means to lean left or to lean right – and what difference is there between the two contenders at the end of the day? There are other issues that I lean more towards the left on; I won’t go into the those, but effectively I stand somewhere in the middle of it all, in a sort of political Switzerland. Neither here nor there, really.

Bear in mind, though, that I have only recently been acquainted with Australian politics, and therefore my perception of it and subsequent leanings may be somewhat more malleable than, let’s say, someone who was born and bred in regional Australia. In this way, I do not hold passionate alliances to one or the other. I am purely geared towards the persuasion that what is best for me, my family, my electorate and Australia as a nation moving forward, is the best solution. And that solution cannot be put down solely to one party, or the other.

So that in effect is why we, as an electorate, should support Rob Oakeshott in the very difficult decisions he has had to make throughout this time. The electorate voted him into the position of power because of his credibility to date, not because of his party alignment or lack thereof. The circumstances of his predicament were truly exceptional, and I believe that he considered all options with nothing but integrity.

Just think about it this way:

WE ALL TOO OFTEN JUDGE PEOPLE ON WHAT THEY HAVE DONE AS OPPOSED TO WHAT THEY WILL DO (think about why it’s the Emu and the Kangaroo).

Mr. Oakeshott has not gained the benefit of either.

In this case, many in the region believe Rob has not stood by his electorate’s wishes and is somehow betraying us by the decision he made. It is unfair, I believe, to dismiss someone who has made one decision, to align with a particular party (under extreme duress, mind you), in the midst of a frankly freakish political phenomenon. Especially when that person was previously much loved in our region; he in fact achieved a multitude of good things for us, and he will continue to do so.

Let’s give him a chance to keep on doing what he has always done – great things for Lyne. That concludes my stirring up of political soup.

Oh, and for those who may find this political soup a tad bland, perhaps consider this for some additional seasoning … You now live in a very high profile electorate, usually one that belongs to the Prime Minster or high net worth individuals. Consider yourself blessed and perhaps now over-seasoned by this rare opportunity. I believe it has been long overdue, and certainly well deserved…

MILLION DOLLAR MUSHROOMS

In Australia’s restaurant world today, you may come across a strange scene. A seemingly innocuous plate of pasta might be served to you, devoid of garnish – plain, simple and somewhat austere looking. The next thing you know, the restaurant manager (or someone relatively high up in the employee hierarchy) might arrive at your table in a rather ceremonious fashion, flanked by several burly, surly men in black – sporting thinly disguised gun holsters … the manager greets you with a respectful nod, a spark of excitement passes between you – you both savour the knowledge that something wonderful is about to occur.

Gingerly, the manager unveils the object of both of your desires. It is a small black lump, of a size somewhere between a squash ball and an emu egg. It actually looks remarkably like a ball of soil from an average backyard – but is it?

As the unidentified lump hits the surrounding air, an amazing aroma wafts into your nostrils, intoxicating you, your companions, and the person serving you. The more often you smell this aroma, the more exciting it is.

Just as a fine wine is almost more about the nose as well as the palate, this small black (or white) lump emits what is described as a ‘perfume’. It’s complex, evocative and powerful.

The manager produces a handsome metal grater and like a violinist poised to strike bow to string at the start of a delicate movement, they proceed to slowly, almost sensuously grate fine shavings onto your plate.

You watch, enraptured. The aroma envelops you and your table and almost fills the entire restaurant. This sumptuous performance takes barely a minute, but as the manager shaves the final delectable sliver, you are aware that your night has instantly become magical, memorable, transformed into the stratosphere of dining delight. What are these lumps you may ask?

They don’t sound like much, but from what you’ve just described they appear to have almost mystical powers?! These fantastical fungi are called TRUFFLES. And the theatrical reverence applied to their consumption described above is totally accurate (well, maybe apart from the armed security guards, perhaps).

Truffles aren’t chocolates; they’re mushrooms – fungi (Tuber Melanosporum in fact, if you want to get technical). Unlike other mushrooms, truffles grow entirely underground. There are two types – black and white, white truffles only being found in the Piedmont region of Northern Italy and a few in Croatia, while Black are found in several European countries, as well as, recently, small amounts in Australia.

Black truffles grow exclusively around oak trees. A complex interaction exists between the truffle and the root system of the host plant. Truffles are an ancient entity and are an essential part of the ecosystems they live in.

The pungent aroma of truffles attracted a multitude of animal species way before humans cottoned on to the deal. The truffles perpetuate their existence through appealing by scent to a truffle eating animal, who then digests the truffle and then releases spores (yes, out the other end). Possessing an irresistibly attractive scent, when you live underground and need to in effect be ‘pollinated’ by those who seek you out, is a necessity for survival. The aroma needs to be powerfully seductive and worth the effort for the animal in question. And boy are truffles worth the effort – we all agree.

In fact, truffles contain Androstenol – a sex hormone found in male pigs and also human sweat glands. So there you go. Maybe the connection between food and sex is closer than we think …

It all certainly goes part of the way in explaining the value of truffles – well part of the way. Truffles are, as you imagine by the fact that they grow underground, extremely difficult to harvest. Humans need to employ animals with far more sensitive noses than their own to identify their whereabouts.

Pigs and dogs are the animals of choice, with truffle producers of late leaning more towards dogs, as they are more likely to accept other foodstuffs as a reward – it would be of course, counter-productive if the treasured fruits of labour were consumed by the employee.

Especially when you look at the fact that black truffles in Australia go at over $2,000 a kilo, are only available for 3 months and in extremely limited supply over that time.

So there you have it. Are truffles the ‘food of the gods’, a transcendental culinary experience, something to try at least once in your life …or are they little black lumps of stuff that kind of smell interesting – but really, seriously – can what’s really just basically an incredibly pricey flavour enhancer actually be all that it’s cut out to be?

There’s no way I can answer this question for you. The only way is to try them yourself – so I would say, yes, do give them a go at least once in your life. Truffle season in Australia is between May and September, and yes we did have some at the Mullet.

Stay tuned for next year’s season …

 

 

 

BEWARE THE X

Some of us have the gift of the gab, and the rest of us do not (except maybe after a few alcoholic beverages). Everyone knows someone who can talk the leg off a chair. Maybe it’s in the form of an ability to match a story or anecdote to any situation in life; maybe it’s just an uncanny ability to sustain a conversation.

There are those who possess this ‘gift’ and sometimes, perhaps, we wish that they didn’t … when the clock is ticking and we’re running late for work, maybe. Or, if it’s the same old story we may possibly have heard several times before …

There are those of the ilk mentioned above, and then there are those in a whole different league … they are a far rarer breed, but you know them when you see them. There’s just something about them that you can’t put your finger on – something which in the realm of reality TV, you would refer to as an ‘X factor’.

In fact, for the purposes of this article, I am going to refer to them as ‘X’.

Captivating, beguiling, persuasive, seductive (and no I’m not referring here to someone who holds purely physical charms, they can be either sex, and their allure is equally commanding over both genders).

There’s something about these people that will make you do anything they want. They seem to have an uncanny ability to pierce through all the layers and arrive right at your soul, where they somehow appeal directly to your finest of human sensibilities …

These are powerful people. Somehow they have found a way to get what they want, to make the rest of humanity happily acquiesce to their will. Occasionally they are not aware of the power they possess, although usually they are.

Many are naturally, genetically blessed with such gifts – such charisma is a genuine manifestation of human warmth and can’t be taught. You either have it or you don’t. It cannot be faked – it is an intrinsic understanding of other human beings, combined with a real interest in people.

Those around such people feel an instant connection with them and trust them implicitly. Hence the desire to do anything to please them …

Coming across such captivating examples of humanity in the course of our daily lives is usually a wonderful thing. They’re the sort of people we gush to our family, and friends about, “Oh, I met this great bloke/really nice lady/lovely young girl today; we had a fantastic chat etc etc”.

It can cheer us up infinitely to really connect with a random stranger in this way, giving us a sort of renewed faith in humanity.

People with this special gift for endearing others to them can be found in all walks of life. Usually they are very successful at whatever it is they do, as their positive outlook, warmth and subsequent natural persuasiveness invite all kinds of promotion and opportunity within their given vocation.

They are always an asset to their organisation, but there is one area of danger that exists for the unsuspecting customer in a SALES environment when they come across such a rare type …

They can sell oil to an Arab, bread to a baker, beer to a brewery …

An ‘X’ in a sales role will convince you to buy anything and everything they have on offer. Before you know it, your credit card will be swiped for an exorbitant amount and you will be the proud owner of … stuff.

Stuff you might have wanted, stuff you might not have wanted. Stuff you had never really imagined in your wildest dreams, stuff you swore blind you would never buy, stuff you would actually refuse if it was given to you for free.

Such is the danger of Type X in a restaurant, the ‘X’ waiter and the ‘X’ sommelier. An encounter with this ‘X’ will imbue you with such a warm, fuzzy glow that you won’t know which way is up and which way down.

You will see the world through such rose-colored glasses, and the carnivorous inner being may prevail (regardless of the fact that you are vegetarian) or suddenly you have acquired an interest in very exclusive Bordeaux wines because you have recently acquired appreciation for fine wine.

By all means have a lovely chat in the queue at Coles with an X, or at the bus stop, or crowded pub. But run for your life if you encounter one in their chosen field if it means handing over cash!

 

 

STUFF THAT’S IN YOUR FRIDGE AND PANTRY…

The other day I was inspired to clean out the pantry at home. This task does not normally appear in the top 10 of pleasant chores for most of us, does it?

Once the obvious and useful items come out, the hidden depths of what is lurking behind reveals itself.

There are always the items past their best before, if not use-by date. Then there are the other horrors, the details of which I will not explore here, as this is supposed to be a mostly pleasant article …

Unless you are extraordinarily organised, or have heaps of time on your hands, it’s easy for things to get a bit out of hand in the dark and hidden corners or your fridge and pantry.

We all have the best of intentions when it comes to minimising wastage, but seriously – admit it! Occasionally vegies wilt in the crisper, bread goes mouldy, and there are weird curry pastes in the rear of the pantry with a best before of at least a good few months ago.

What to do about this?

I can’t answer that, but here are a few tips, borne out of the financial drain of wastage in a commercial kitchen …

Shop effectively! Have a stock of dried basic items that always can be turned into meals – rice, pasta, polenta. Keep a lot of canned stuff – ditto to the former; it lasts forever and can always be turned into meals – tins of tuna, beans, and tomatoes are great. These basics will always be used.

With fresh produce (especially fruit and veg), buy as needed only. If you have heaps of something fresh, maybe it’s in the garden – learn how to preserve it. Preserved lemons or maybe tomato sauce. If you don’t have time – give it away!

Other fresh foods can be frozen. If you don’t have a chest freezer, think about investing in one. Then you can buy things when they are cheap and in season, freeze them for later – meat, bread, seafood.

Make meals in bulk – especially in winter. Soup, curries and stews can be so warming and nourishing and be frozen for later.

In the restaurant we have the time when it’s quiet to preserve things. Limes in season can be bought in multiple box loads and then squeezed and frozen for a plethora of culinary uses. Sauces and preserves can be homemade and bottled for later use.

Then there’s the cryovac machine – an infinitely fantastic investment in food preparation! Weeks can be put on the shelf life of fresh produce – just by simply sucking out all the oxygen and sealing it. A more essential piece of equipment only exists in the form of a fridge or freezer …

Of course, it’s highly likely you don’t have one at home, but if you stick to the prior-to-cryovac suggestions and most importantly – DO NOT SHOP WHEN YOU’RE HUNGRY – you will have a friendly looking fridge, freezer and pantry, where waste will be minimal, and there will more often than not be some wholesome, yummy foodstuffs that can easily be turned into a quick meal if you haven’t had time to get to the shops.

And if all else fails … you can always support your local restaurants by coming out to eat! It’s guaranteed that we have our fridges, freezers and pantries sorted even if you don’t! And you won’t need to wash up – unless you’ve forgotten your wallet!

 

 

SWEETS FOR THE SWEET OBSESSED

Are you one of those folks who go out for dinner and ask to see the dessert menu before you order your main course?

Does your dentist appear to procure an abnormally high percentage of his/her salary as a result of your patronage?

Have you seriously contemplated joining chocoholics anonymous?

If you answered ‘yes‘ to any of these questions, then in my professional opinion I declare you to be the owner of a sweet tooth.

In the restaurant world the sweet-toothed are everywhere. There’s usually one at every table, as a general rule. Sometimes it’s difficult to spot them at first – outwardly they appear moderately enthusiastic to hear today’s (savoury) specials, they seem to engage as rapidly as anyone else in conversation at their table.

First impressions are that they’re just a run-of-the-mill, average diner. But on closer inspection, a perceptive waitperson will realise the truth behind the façade … it could be a covert shiftiness in their eyes, a wistful sidelong glance at a dessert headed for a neighbouring table. They might make a seemingly jokey comment about the possibility of ordering a dessert course first (while in actuality, meaning it with every fibre of their being). Or perhaps you may recognise in them barely concealed dismayed frustration at the realisation that their table-mates are ordering (could it be true?) …STARTERS, as well as MAINS! The full-blown horror of the fact that it could take far longer to reach the safe harbour of achingly sweet sanctity is written all over their faces, and this previously looked forward to social occasion becomes an exercise in patience and tolerance.

In my opinion it’s not a coveted palate position to be in. Don’t get me wrong, my sweet obsession is gelato (I am Italian, after all), but the savoury courses are always the main event, not merely a mundane chore to endure before a sugary reward is proffered.

The sweet toothed are perpetually chasing the dragon, dutifully chewing and swallowing all manner of salty, spicy and pickly stuff, day in, day out – in order to get to the only food group that really matters to them – dessert! Even if they’re trying to watch their weight or their blood sugar and foregoing their only food obsession, they are constantly thinking about it. And even if they’re trying not to think about it, they’re dreaming about it … chocolate fountains, gingerbread houses, enormous vats of  icecream – you name it, the subconscious has no boundaries when those previously well fed sugar receptors are denied their fix!

The reality in the restaurant world is that for the most part, dessert ends up being somewhat of an afterthought compared to the thrill of the savoury courses. Most menus are planned around achieving balance between starters and main courses, creating amazing flavour nuances with fresh produce, dressings, seasonings and vegetables.

Most chefs out there have a savoury based palate themselves and are too busy trying to get that wow factor into the first two courses, and pretty much subsisting on the philosophy that it is on the savoury components of a meal at their restaurant of which their reputations will be based, rather than the sweet.

Unfortunately for the chronically sweet -toothed, this is somewhat true. Although critics often mention disappointing desserts as part of reviews, if they have several paragraphs earlier, raved about amazing savoury courses – chances are that the overall score the establishment receives, or the general positivity of the review will not be affected all that negatively by the dissing of dessert.

This does not bode well for the sweet-toothed, although after the torture of enduring two or more unhurried savoury courses while appearing outwardly to be enjoying them, anything pretty much goes by the time the dessert order is taken – sugar in any way, shape or form will suffice.

Life can be tough if you’re sweet-toothed. It can seem like everyone is standing in your way – your waistline, the dentist, uncaring chefs, family and friends who like savoury food better.

Thank goodness for those places created by and for those such as yourselves – Patisseries! Bakeries! Just be grateful you don’t live in France, or else it would be that much harder to shift those last few kilos …

 

A DOG’S DINNER

Our dog Frank enjoys his food. Put it this way, when I watch him devour his dinner, he does so with an enthusiasm associated with the seriously food deprived. Of which, of course, he is not.

All foods, (apart from certain fruits and vegetables which are simply no-go zones), are inhaled with gusto. One thing we’ve noticed is that he never saves the best for last, rather the meat scraps disappear before the regulation doggie dried food. But sooner rather than later, his bowl is licked to a level of cleanliness which cannot be surpassed by the dishwasher.

You may be thinking that to be a dog owned by a restauranteur is indeed in a coveted canine position … all those yummy leftover scraps.  Certainly at first, the team was briefed on which delectable tidbits were to be retained for his enjoyment later.

Naturally, our first consideration was the contribution we were making towards eco-sustainability by reducing landfill waste! However, this practise was abruptly discontinued when we realised that our poor puppy had developed a nasty urinary tract infection, most likely a result of his ‘exotic’ diet.

Now it’s back to basics, dried food, raw eggs, plain meat scraps and pureed vegetables. Still the occasional treat, but nothing that has been influenced by condiments, sauces or spices.

Frank still relishes his meals with similar delight, but mercifully he is now a 100% healthy dog.

With dogs, it’s really all about instant gratification – “I’m starving man, hurry up and feed me”. A bowl of food is placed in front of a hungry beast, and he gobbles it up. Sure some bits are more coveted than others, but it all gets devoured.

With us humans, food can certainly be about instant gratification. But it can also be about slowly savouring aromas, sensations, textures and nuances, coupled with ambience, atmosphere and social conviviality. It’s infinitely more complex than the simplicity of merely putting fuel in our bodies. Or it should be, if it isn’t.

Many cultures throughout history place some sort of ceremonial importance on every meal. Meals are rituals, involving long upheld traditions, a gathering together of family and friends, sharing nourishment as well as simple delight in the satisfaction of enjoying food in all its simplicity – as well as its complexity.

The slaughter of a lamb, the abundance of a brilliant harvest, a great catch harnessed from the sea – in local communities in simpler times, these events were celebrated. Entire communities would come together as a result, living in the moment, relishing and enjoying the bounty of nature.

In our supermarket society, the intensity of this community based food celebration is somewhat lost, although our recent concern over the fate of our planet has made inroads into bringing us back to basics.

Whilst we may not ritualise food in such a visceral fashion in our society today, we should most definitely slow down and make time to enjoy what we eat. Family dinners need to upheld, Sunday roasts, summer barbies, out to a cosy restaurant with our loved one instead of takeaway. A bit less convenience food, a bit more slow cooking. It’s vital for our souls, and vital for good digestion too.

Eating is one of the most intense pleasures that we humans can enjoy. We are sophisticated enough as beings to savour what is in front of us, to feel grateful for it, to feel wonder at the mastery of the hand that created it, to appreciate its origins, to experience that wonderful contentment that arises from being sated.

Many meals over the course of our lives are memorable. There are things we tried once that we hanker for again, craving years later. There are many social moments of which food is a huge part – great conversations, first impressions or on the other side of the spectrum, terrible fights, tantrums and tears.

A meal may be over in a flash for Frank, but he’s already thinking about the next one. We too need to plan our meals, make them a little bit special … whilst still attempting to resist the temptation to slip our pup anything too fancy.

 

 

IS THE CUSTOMER ALWAYS RIGHT?

Often repeated, sometimes through gritted teeth, is the service industry mantra “the customer is always right”.

The underlying theory of this is that in order to master the art of customer service, we must be unfailingly accommodating to the general public, to the point of total subservience. That is, we must suppress our own opinions and instincts, even when, in our capacity as seasoned professionals with years of experience in our particular field, we do know better, and we are in fact … right!

Not being able to stand by our beliefs and the wisdom gained through acquired knowledge, can chip away at self esteem, can cause us to be cynical and wary, can eventually cause us to ‘burn out’, to abandon an industry that we’ve worked in for years.

Many a consummate professional, in many an industry involving customer service, has fled with their tail between their legs, tired of the relentless demands of an unforgiving public and the arrogance of those that ‘know better’ – only able to listen to the sound of their own voices.

An individual with a passion that was once held for their career of choice, a genuine enjoyment of dealing with the public (you know, the sort that is described as a ‘people person’), eventually becomes jaded and cynical. A job that was once considered a challenge and filled with gratifying moments, becomes a chore, a millstone, something that is resented and impacts negatively on the rest of life – on relationships, on health, on everything.

It’s a long way to fall. But it’s a bit mean for us to blame the poor old customer, isn’t it? After all, they know not what they do – but we do know!

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if the customer is right or if they’re not. Either outcome will occur on any given occasion …

What matters is how we as customer service professionals deal with problems, glitches and conflicts. Dealing with customer complaints effectively is a vitally fundamental part of running a successful business. It doesn’t matter how tightly your business is run, people will sometimes be unhappy. In this world, no-one can please everyone. Satisfaction with any given experience is entirely subjective – the best we can do is use the correct building blocks to minimise unsatisfactory occurrences. Namely – prudent systems and procedures, careful recruitment and rigorous staff training.

But even with the buffer zone of good business practise in place, the inevitable problems that will still occur need to be handled with skill and dexterity. The most important part of this process is acknowledgement. Merely giving an unhappy patron the time of day and letting them air their concerns can do wonders. A perceptive staff member will quickly alert a Manager on duty to a potentially difficult situation – often all it takes is a quick chat with the Manager – someone in charge giving their time makes people feel like they’re being heard, that someone cares.

Then there’s the token gesture – in my joint, a free drink or dessert can often totally salvage the situation with minimal outlay. And always, what’s lost in profit is made up for in goodwill.

The trick is to nip things that could get out of hand in the bud asap. Issues should always be dealt with on site, while fresh in the mind. Letting an unhappy person fester and stew on a perceived injustice is suicide for any business. That person, apart from never coming back, might do irreparable damage to your business by Chinese whispering to 100 of their nearest and dearest friends.

Dealing with angry and upset people is without a doubt the most challenging aspect of customer service, but it pays to master it. Employing patience, tact and empathy, while letting go of ego and instinct towards indignation, goes a long way not just in business, but in life. Staying calm and rational is key, letting the other person air their views, while explaining yours in a non aggressive manner is imperative.

Oh and saying ‘sorry’ even when you secretly aren’t … also goes a long way.

‘Breathe and be calm’ is the mantra that we in the customer service industry should employ, not ‘the customer is always right’.

 

THE PORTIONING OF THE PORTIONS (AKA DOING THE MATH)

The success of any business depends on a basic mathematical calculation – how much does a good or service cost to produce – and based on this, how much does it need (and can) be sold for in order to provide the seller with a viable profit margin.

This alone can give you a pretty good indication for the fundamental reason that over 70% of start-up restaurant businesses fail! These are cold, hard stats and pretty depressing if your dream has always been to open up a little café, pizza place, or Belgian beer hall.

The problem with the café and restaurant business is that not only do you have to worry about fixed costs such as rent, utilities, labour and costly equipment, but also you have to deal with fresh produce and turning that fresh produce into something that makes money. Dealing with raw foodstuffs is obviously volatile. You are swimming in a sea of uncertainty – massive fluctuations in supply, sudden price hikes of basic foodstuffs (eggs, milk, flour etc), questionable quality … Not to mention wastage (this encompasses a few dimensions) – parts of a cut of meat that you can’t use, but is still factored into the wholesale price. Or on the other hand – perfectly good bits thrown away, lazily under-utilised by the inattentive apprentice preparing them. And then there’s spoilage – over ordering (whether through oversight, or through unforseen quiet periods) means literally throwing money away. The list goes on ad infinitum – incorrect storage, refrigeration not at correct temperature, power outages.

Depressingly enough, that’s just before the food actually gets cooked. There’s another multitude of things that can go wrong here too! Dropping, burning, incorrectly cut … And that’s before the food goes out to the table, because once it gets there, it can always be sent back – asked for no sauce, food is drowning in sauce, asked for medium rare, it’s well done. Asked for steak, got salmon instead. It’s an absolute minefield!

This is why a successful restaurant needs to be run with military precision. There is no room for mistakes of any kind to eat into already precarious profit margins. Kitchens need to be managed with an iron fist (move over Gordon), with chefs possessing commercial skills as well as impressive knife skills. Food costs need to be calculated with absolute accuracy before any particular dish appears on a menu – and that means EVERY ingredient weighed, factored in and exactly portioned every time. 30 grams of butter, 5 grams of chopped continental parsley – it’s all part of it, and every little bit adds up.

So it’s no wonder that many start-up restaurants fail, and often they fail amazingly quickly, too. Amidst the cutthroat competitiveness inherent in major cities, it almost appears that restaurants barely open their doors (clothed in lavish opening parties and media fanfare) – momentarily basking in the sunshine, before the grim reality of day to day trade sets in and the shutters are pulled across one final time.

Extravagant fitouts replete with Italian furniture and custom-designed lighting, celebrity executive chefs romanced and brown-nosed to stamp their crowd-pleasing names on a venture, seemingly vanish overnight over a pile of unpaid invoices and livid suppliers.

To begin any type of restaurant venture requires a major leap of faith, but the grander the dream, the further the plunge to the bottom is – creating an impact of enormity in failure. Even operators with many years of experience under their belt and a string of successes on their resumé can fail spectacularly. The difference between these and the first-timers is that they are more likely to get back on their horse and try again.

With this kind of capacity for lack of success, it seems quite clear that anyone who boldly immerses themselves in this industry has got rocks in their head (and in other places too!) Well I’m the first to admit it – restaurant owners have more than a touch of nuttiness about them. After all, placing your resources in a basket gives you less than a 20% chance of success, while placing you in a position of intense public scrutiny … Hmm, maybe it’s worth hitting the pokies after all.

 

 

WHAT PLEASURES YOUR PALATE?

After all the Christmas, New Year and holiday madness, I thought it might be nice to get back to basics for this month’s column. After all, it is called ‘Palate Pleasures’…

Occasionally I suppose I have digressed from the title; in fact, I may have gone so far as to have converted ‘pleasures’ to ‘displeasures’. For this, I apologise to those purely pleasure seeking readers, but I will argue that one cannot exist without the other – in that in order to truly experience pleasure, you must understand pain…

This aside however, this month it’s time to explore what makes your mouth water, what sinful comfort food you crave after a bad day at the office, the meal you would choose if it was your last day on earth and the retro childhood treat that you would still clean your room for. All right then, I suppose we’ll also have to touch on those foodstuffs that we similarly abhor – the stuff that makes our stomachs turn, skin crawl, reminds us of forcing it down in order to be excused from the table, or the packed lunch that invoked taunts and ridicule …

Our passions for and repulsions against certain foods are as varied and individual as we are. They are as intrinsically linked to our genetic makeup as they are to our early childhood experiences with food, and then our subsequent journey into adulthood. Likes and dislikes are as much about our tastebud’s blueprints, as they are about what we were fed when we first got put onto solids.

This is where nature and nurture are intertwined. What we were fed by our parents when we were very young was defined firstly by their cultural heritage, and secondly by society’s set of core beliefs at a particular time in history. But regardless of this very strong combination of influences, you still will almost certainly detest a food substance that your brother or sister loves. Although, if you were born into an Italian household, chances are you will grow up liking Italian food quite a lot (and not just because it’s the best food in the world – no bias here, of course).

Food and emotions are also inextricably linked. The relationship between food and comfort goes without saying, but food and its corresponding connection with taste and smell is also hardwired to memory. Just as a certain smell reminds us so strongly of a particular time and place from our distant past, a certain dish, ingredient, childhood snack food or aroma of cooking can take us back in time to a place we either loved or hated.

These intense food memories follow us into adulthood, where, if we’re game, we may re-experiment with previously disliked foodstuffs later in life with surprising results. Certainly, our palates do mature with age, and some flavours are just too intense for a child’s tastebuds, but also changes in pre-conceived opinions can have an enormous amount to do with different methods of food preparation. Brussell sprouts anybody? This most detested of childhood vegetable memories can delight in the current day and age …

Boiled and shrivelled into a shell of its former self, wafting out that most distinctive caustic smell of brutally murdered vegetable … Not anymore – what about pan fried in butter with parmesan and walnuts – firm in texture, but cooked through, allowing the vegetable’s flavour to meld with its accompaniments without overwhelming. Nutrients of this ‘super’ food still intact, not leached away in an angry sea of boiling water for half an hour plus.

Amazing! And not to criticise 1970s cooking methods, there are many classics from this era – i.e. Margaret Fulton’s cookbooks still live on, but we have come a long way in incorporating flavour and texture into food. We know a lot more about preserving nutrients throughout the cooking process. We can be grateful for the proliferation of the stir-fry and the wok – thank you Thailand! Eating Thai food taught us how good vegies taste when they’re crisp, not soggy.’

So perhaps it’s about time to try things we thought we hated, again. Food actually tastes better now! And the beauty of the world we live in is that we can take our toddlers out for Sushi, Sri-Lankan, or Spanish and their palates will be all the richer for it.

Although I personally hail the return of the Monaco Bar …

 

Going anywhere nice for holidays?

The great Australian summer holidays … no holiday period on earth comes close does it? The sheer poetry of a couple of weeks (or more if you’re lucky), located smack bang in the middle of high summer time – conveniently amidst the height of the silly season, is hard to beat.

Slow summer days and even slower and longer summer nights … Beers and barbies, surfing, fishing and swimming. Kids and dogs and walks on the beach in the cool of the evening … It’s idyllic and unique to our hemisphere and coastal lifestyle. Sure there’s a downside – mozzies and sunburn and heat induced crankiness for a start. But, I don’t think there would be many Australians who would give it up for a white Christmas.

It’s as if the heat, festivities and enforced down-time hit a giant pause button on life as we know it. Everything literally gets put on hold, it can wait till February. Even in our email and mobile phone obsessed culture, it’s acceptable to switch it off and not check the inbox for a bit.

Sounds like bliss doesn’t it? If you work in an office, there’s a good chance of this happening, but if you run a restaurant in a holiday town … forget it!!

This time of year in the hospitality industry is the most crucial of the entire year. All the accommodation is packed to the brim. Hoards of hungry masses are swarming the town looking for fuel for their fires. Competition is fierce – how to get the most bums on seats, how to get them to come back. Tempers are frayed-for the management and for employees,  it’s a question of how to stay sane as this season of leisure, family and sweat brings out not only the best in people, but also the worst …

As the cicadas scream and the waves pound, many sweaty workers are running around madly, many chefs are grilling, searing and roasting in temperatures that clock more than 50 degrees C.

It’s an oppositional world to the one that’s being catered for. Don’t get us wrong, we wouldn’t have it any other way. With the challenges and gruelling physical grind that is faced, we come out the other end in need of a good shower but also darn satisfied with the hard work and achievement of having yet another huge day.

Just don’t ask me if I’m having a break or going anywhere nice for the holidays …

It would be infinitely more apt to just wish me a commercially prosperous holiday season!

Happy Holidays from all of us at the The Stunned Mullet!

Doing Your Homework…

Being informed makes life easier. If you are aware of the facts, you are far more likely to reach the right conclusion. There are many decisions we make in life, where it would be considered imprudent not to have researched all the available options – buying a house or a car for instance on a grand scale – all the way down to a mobile phone plan, dinner at a restaurant, or a weekend away.

If you are prepared to put in a bit of groundwork – make a couple of calls, jump online or ask a friend or two, there’s a good chance you will find that your knowledge on any given subject increases exponentially … or perhaps there’s a slim chance that you will just end up even more confused and unsure than where you started, but it seems that sometimes in life the more we think we know the more we realise we don’t know … (but that’s another story!)

Ultimately though – they say knowledge is power, and in our cutthroat consumer society, it doesn’t hurt to have a little power.

But first we have to identify what it is we really want in the first place. This is often, surprisingly, the most difficult part of the process. It involves disentangling all the various influences affecting our decision making processes – namely deciphering what we actually want from what we think we want. This is much harder than it sounds – you have to switch off all those subliminal voices … media and advertising, the requirements of family and friends as opposed to our own requirements, envies, jealousies and petty competitiveness.

If we base our decisions solely on any of the above reasonings, it is plain to see why, further down the track post-purchase and decision, we could likely be dissatisfied with the choices we made.

It ultimately wasn’t us who was making them, it was the various influences at play amongst our hectic and stressful lives …

I am not sure how it’s possible not to be influenced by external forces in life, but I do know that if you do your homework, carefully consider options while weighing up pros and cons, and try to listen to your instincts (that little voice at the back of your mind), it’s much more likely you’ll make a choice that you will be satisfied with.

Oh, and don’t leave decision making until the last moment either – the last thing you need is limited options in a pressurised situation. Take trying to decide where to eat dinner on a Saturday night for an example … leave it until 6pm on Saturday to make the call and you may find yourself in a bit of a pickle …

There’s a real danger here that you will just find yourself somewhere you don’t want to be. Somewhere way out of your budget for example, somewhere with weird sounding food you’ve never heard of, somewhere where the service is terrible. This is a situation where it would have helped if you had done your homework … if you would have spent 5 minutes online, you would have figured out how much the meal was going to cost you, what other customers thought, how the restaurant compares to others in the area.

If you visit a restaurant’s website, you would see the menu clear as day in front of you, and you could make the decision that it looked weird or too expensive in the privacy of your own home rather than when you were already seated at a table in the said restaurant at 8pm with no time left to leg it to anywhere else …

I am not saying that it’s not okay to be spontaneous – indeed it is. As we all know, some of the best times we have in life are the moments that we didn’t plan. No expectations, no disappointment and all that. But the key here is – no expectations!

If you do decide to rock up on a Saturday night at the last moment, be prepared to be open-minded – you might end up somewhere different to what you expected, you might pay more than what you expected but the choice is yours – you’ve either gotta go with the flow, or up and leg it before it’s too late!

Lou.

We humans are a divided bunch of creatures. It would not be a broad generalisation, or a remote stretch of the truth to split us into two distinct camps. The first distinct human condition is the dislike of change. This applies to anyone who has ever coined the phrase, “When you’re onto a good thing, stick to it”. Always drive the same way home? Buy the same brand of laundry detergent? Travel to the same holiday destination year after year?

If you answer “Yes” to any or all of these questions, then you fit this mould – it’s safe to say you don’t like change. You are at peace when all is as it should be, or rather – as it has been before and will be again. There’s no doubt that an infinitely comforting certainty exists in the familiar.

That being all well and good, however – on the other side of the fence sits those who live to shake things up! If the pursuit of the exotic and up-to-the minute is your daily mantra, then you are part of the opposing human subdivision.

Anything new is to be tried at once – no such thing as brand loyalty, a holiday for you is either a mystery flight or a last minute leap over to anywhere – as long as it’s unfamiliar!

You shirk the mundane like it’s an infectious disease, you chuck a tantrum when faced with a night out at that same old place again. You would rather get lost in the back blocks than drive the same old route every day … You are a human chameleon – cheating the certainty of birth and death with uncertainty – peppered liberally throughout your existence.

So there you have it! Human nature for dummies!

When you own a restaurant, you need to dabble in some basic psychology. Understanding that loyalty is a double edged sword is helpful in that you realise that it is born AND made. Some customers are part of the first camp of change-resistant humans – they were probably initially dragged kicking and screaming (by a change-lover), but subsequently loved everything and then promptly made you their lifelong regular haunt there and then. Those customers were born to be loyal and all you had to do was actually get them through the door (the hardest part). And it doesn’t hurt to keep their favourite dish on the menu and keep it tasting just as good every time … ditto for remembering their names and reserving their favourite table.

Then there’s the other type of loyalty that has to be made, that doesn’t come naturally within an individual personality. This is the sort of customer who is chomping at the bit for you to open your doors for the very first time, the very chameleon of a person discussed in detail above who is desperately searching for something new day in day out. The most enormous challenge in creating loyalty lies with this person and their ilk … the inherently restless nature of this customer ensures that as soon as they try it, they’ll be over it. The attention span is short – the need to bedazzle them with bells and whistles to keep them coming back is paramount.

And you only typically get one chance – a failure to impress from the get-go means you’ve lost them, probably for good …

It’s a lot of pressure, but it puts the importance of first impressions into perspective and shows us that it is imperative to get it right every time. In a restaurant, as in any business, it’s essential to find that correct balance of familiarity and innovation.

You want to hold on to what makes you who you are and what drew people to you in the first place, but you also want to make things fresh and exciting – continually drawing on new knowledge and technology, projecting into the future to re-invent yourself in order to lure those who may tire of you back time and time again.

That is why in business, as in life, it is wise to never stop learning. There is no point which we reach, even after years of experience, where we truly master anything. What we think we know keeps evolving and changing in our modern world. To never be afraid that we do not know something, and to be eager to learn it is to invite success into our lives. That way it is possible to keep abreast of the new, to stay one step ahead of the chameleons …

Although come to think of it – it is kind of nice establishing a consistent dialogue with the customer, so ordering the same thing and sitting at the same table is a mutual benefit to all involved!